The State Journal
by England's Porn Box
Summary: Alaska has hacked into Colorado's FanFiction account and decides to use it as a journal to write down whatever comes to his mind. This is total crack. Multiple state oc's will appear in/ write in this journal. rated T just in case.
1. Chapter 1

So this is Alaska and if you're wondering what I'm doing on Colorado's Fan Fiction account well…. I might have gotten bored and decided to hack it…. Any way I thought I'd tell you a little about myself. Just for you people who are like 'what the hell?'

My name is Aleksandr Dominic Jones. I'm the representation of Alaska, and presently I'm bored out of my mind…so here I am. I'm going to tell you a little story about my first impression of my family the states….. Sadly it wasn't the best one.

America had left me standing outside in a park giving me a large smile and saying something along the lines of 'don't worry the hero will be right back!' well it had been an hour and there was still no 'hero' in sight. I sighed and decided to leave, if he came back and saw I wasn't there…well that was his problem. I was turning around to walk away when I ran into someone. He had hair kind of the color of dirt, and eyes that immediately pissed me off. He wore a cocky ass grin on his face too, like he thought himself high and mighty. The first words out of his mouth didn't help him win me over either, "Hey little buddy," he said in a thick southern accent. "I'm Texas," but the only part that registered with me was the first…. Did he just saylittle buddy…to me_?_ I couldn't believe it I had to be at least four inches taller than him.

"….hello…" I said back…maybe I'd herd wrong…

"Okay little man America asked me to take you home."

"….excuse me?" he didn't just call me…

"Haha you're funny junior! Common lets g-" He never got a chance to finish that sentence. I have a lot of patience, but when it comes to people treating me like a kid well….let's just say things got bloody.

So that was my first impression of the states. It pleased me to find out that after that little incident no one else treated me like a kid. Though I can't say no one else gave me a feeling of murders intent. Actually the first time I met Colorado I tried to kill her….. hmmm maybe next time I'll tell you the story of how we became friends…


	2. Chapter 2

Hi, this is Colorado!

For those of you who don't really know me, I'll tell you about myself, first off!

I'm the 38th state of America, nicknamed the Centennial State, because I share my birthday with America's 100th! Pretty cool, right? I also invented the cheeseburger, which totally makes me his favorite state. I also tend to be a bit bipolar. My mood changes with the weather – or vice versa, I dunno – and people say I have a lack of common sense.

So not true!

Obviously jumping out of a plane with skis on is logical! I mean, it's not like I stay hurt for that long, anyway. And I mean, just because I smoke a little bit of this and that doesn't mean I'm stupid – I can't help what my people like! And, seriously, extreme stunts are fun. Just ask like… Houdini!

So if my writing seems to totally change randomly don't be alarmed ok?

And, second of all, a note to my dearest friend Alaska…

If you ever so much as go near anything I own again, whether it be physical property or an online account, I will rip the hair from your head and gag you with it. I'll duct tape your stupid scarf to your face and light on fire and let it burn your skin away. I'll tear your earring off your ear and skewer your eye with it, then laugh as you go deaf from your own shrieks.

Okay?

Okay!

Glad that's settled.

Well, since the ball is kind of already rolling on this, I guess I'll just go with it. Alaska told the story of when he first met Texas, right?

…that asshole, I'll make him pay for everything he did to me… I'll kick him up the ass so hard he'll taste the blood on my hiking boots from kicking him in the face…

Well, I think it's time I told you about the first time Alaska and I met!

It seems to be a pretty strange meeting, especially looking back on it now, since we're like best friends. You see, we kinda tried to kill each other. It was a lot of fun! I wanted to do it again, but somehow he decided it would be better for his health if we didn't… weird, right?

Ok since I know you're all dying to hear it I'll tell you the whole story!

It was a warm, summer day in America's house. He'd called all his states in for a 'family reunion' – which, naturally, ended in multiple fights and Texas being murdered a few times. It was late afternoon on the third day, and most of the states had had enough and were leaving.

I was one of them.

Normally I loved reunions; I got to see all my siblings and brag to Minnesota about how much colder it got at my house in winter.

But this reunion, Texas wouldn't stop bothering me at a very bad time. See, I was in excruciating pain most of the visit, due to all the fires burning. The whole right side of my body is covered in burn marks, though it's nothing new; just worse than usual.

Solution?

Kill him four different ways in three days.

Unfortunately, being a state, he never stayed dead for long. And unfortunately for anyone who came across me at that moment, I was seriously pissed and ready to murder anything that so much as breathed the same air as me. It would pass in a few minutes, as it always did, and I would go back to being stupid and annoying.

But at that moment, my mind was clear of any stupidity that normally clouded it and fogged with sadistic plots and others' death wishes.

Alaska was probably in a similar mood, because when I saw him walking down the huge staircase, he kind of terrified me; his shoulders were hunched in a way that said 'I'll run you over if you don't get out of my way', his eyes were cold and hard, and his feet landed heavily on each step. All the other states had steered clear of him, and I hadn't met him yet, since he'd only become a state a few years earlier.

Lucky for me I didn't immediately meet him in a bad mood. I had one of my mood swing things – in this case, it was raining, a huge relief for my burns. It soothed them, and I found myself sinking to my knees crying. All the sadness of my citizens over the lost houses or loves ones channeled into me. It was overwhelming.

However, rain at my house usually lasts ten minutes, at the absolute max, so I was over it rather quickly. I perked up and skipped happily towards Alaska, who was stalking into the kitchen.

"Hi! I'm Colorado; I don't think I've seen you before! Do you like to ski? Is it cold at your house? Are you maybe Alaska, because I've heard a lot about you but I haven't actually seen you before since you're a new state and everything but I heard you're a really scary guy and everyone's really too scared to talk to you especially after you totally killed Texas by the way I totally like that about you because I hate him too and if you ever noticed his body lying around that's because I've killed him four times in the past three days it was really fun because I killed him a different way each time but it's too bad he just doesn't stay dead since he's a state and we should totally go skydiving or skiing or something sometime because I heard that it's really cold up at your house since you're by Canada and Russia and-,"

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed him swing a crowbar aimed directly for my head, effectively cutting off my sentence. I pulled a pair of ski poles from seemingly nowhere (when in truth I carried them with me all the time – other people just never noticed) and stopped the crowbar just inches from my face.

Another mood swing – but this time, I brought it on myself; no one dared attack me, not again, not after all those years of fighting and massacres.

My mind instantly cleared, and every fighting style I'd ever seen began flowing through it. I knew how to counter virtually all of them – save for any Asian martial arts – from all my time with different nations. It was clear that Alaska had a fighting style similar to Russia's; if the intimidation didn't scare off the opponent, finish it with one blow.

But I only just registered the shock on his face. His eyes widened ever so slightly, and his grip on his crowbar fumbled just enough for me to shove him backwards.

"Well if you wanted to fight I would've happily agreed right from the get-go!" I exclaimed happily, imagining all the ways to slowly kill this man. I could bind him with his scarf, then slowly tear away his skin then drench him in salt water… or better yet, rubbing alcohol! Maybe even vodka, just to rub his damn Russian heritage in his face.

My pleasurable thoughts were interrupted by his repeated attempts to break my skull. His style was so predictable; brute force and no real strategy.

I was becoming bored.

"I thought this was going to be fun," I said in a whiny voice. "Man, you're so predictable…"

That pissed him off, if the way he growled at me was any indication. He swung for my legs this time, still very predictable. I just jumped up and over his head before swinging my ski poles in to crush his neck from both sides. Sadly for me, his scarf absorbed most of the impact. No doubt he still had a bruise, but it wasn't the result I'd been hoping for.

But I'd left myself wide open after striking him, and he took advantage of this. He grabbed my ski poles and flung me over his shoulders onto the ground where I was barely able to put my feet down to sort of catch myself. I was facing him, and he wore an unusual smirk on his face. I hadn't seen him show more than a flicker of emotion until then.

"Don't think you've won yet," I say in a venomous voice. "This ain't over until the fat lady sings or America shows up and shoots us both."

"I guess you'd better start singing then," he replied in a mocking tone.

"Oh, I thought you wanted to do the honors?" I responded in an innocent voice before landing a kick square on his chest, sending him flying back a few feet and leaving me with my ski poles. He quickly reared up for another attack.

I expected him to charge straight for me, like always, so I decided to charge him back. What I wasn't expecting was for him to sidestep, causing me to barrel right into a pole. When I turned to look at him, he was banging his head against a tree – a perfect opportunity to throw one of my ski poles like a boomerang. It hit his head with a slightly metallic ring. He clutched his head in pain, and I moved in to retrieve my pole.

I knew it was risky, since he could veer up and attack me when I was only a few feet away, but I did my best to sprint over and get it in my clutches before getting away from him again.

But, once again, I was caught off-guard; he landed a punch square in my face. I'd be amazed if it didn't break my nose.

That was the first time I noticed that there were some other states watching. Some were cheering on one of us, some were betting on who would win (Nevada, mostly) and others were just trying to stay out of our way. I smirked; none of them had ever seen me this angry, so I would let them enjoy the show – particularly Texas.

I did a few cartwheels to escape Alaska when he came barreling towards me. I landed on my feet on top of a picnic table. He was clearly angrier than before, and proceeding to smash his crowbar right into the table. I jumped up and landed on his shoulder for a brief second before kicking him down onto the table. I stumbled on my landing a few yards away, landing on my feet and one hand.

He used this as an opportunity to throw his crowbar and take out my feet, which not only caused a sickening snapping sound but also sent me onto my face. It hurt quite badly.

"…'Merrica's comin'…" I mumbled, hearing the faint sound of an obnoxious laugh.

"Damnit…" Alaska mumbled, half-buried under the pieces of the table.

"Whoa! What happened?" America demanded upon seeing the shape of two of his states.

"Who knows… but I'm quite disturbed by this side of Colorado…" Utah commented. "I'm not so sure she'd make a good wife anymore…"

"…So if neither of them win, does that mean I take all?" Nevada asked with a smirk. Texas roared in anger at having to give up his precious money.

I listened for a little while longer before deciding that I was bored of this and passing out.

When I woke up again I smelled the hamburger on my head first.

It seemed that America, with his extremely messed up ideas of health care, decided that a hamburger would fix all my injuries. Since he couldn't get it on my forehead, due to being facedown, he simply placed it on the back of my head. I looked over to the picnic table where Alaska had presumably passed out and saw him also with a burger on his head.

"Well, at least Alfred kind of cares," I mumbled to myself. I stand up and survey my damage; it doesn't hurt that badly, but my nose is slightly crooked and I feel like I'm going to puke. I pop my nose back into place – which hurts like multiple profanities – and walk off the rest of the aches.

Oddly enough, that's when I had another mood swing. I have no idea why, but I suddenly took great interest in a nearby squirrel.

I ran over to it and grabbed it.

"Hi squirrel! You're really cute and fluffy, did you know? No, I bet you didn't, because I don't think they have mirrors in the squirrel world. What's it like, living in a tree? Is it interesting? I live in a log cabin, I guess that kind of counts as a tree… ohmygod wait I'm living in squirrel houses that were cut down! What happened to the squirrels that lived in them? Oh my god I'm a murderer!" I cried, sinking to my knees and clutching the poor animal to my chest tightly, likely cutting off its circulation.

After a couple seconds of sobbing I noticed Alaska standing behind me, staring at me with the best WTF look I'd seen all week.

In another inexplicable mood change, I perked up and smiled brightly. I waved my arms in the air as I spoke, not realizing that I was still holding the squirrel in my clutches.

"Hi Alaska! I see you finally woke up. That fight was really really fun right? We should totally do it again! But if America catches us again he'll probably kill us, and I don't really wanna die yet. So hey do you wanna go skiing? I know I asked yesterday or a few hours ago or whenever it was that we started fighting then both passed out but wait did we pass out because America showed up or were we gonna pass out anyway because I'm not entirely sure oh and I think maybe you should have your injuring checked out by a doctor because I didn't hit you very lightly and now I'm sort of hungry maybe we could go get food I heard that-,"

I stopped talking for a moment upon noticing that he was bashing his head against a tree… again.

I raised an eyebrow. "That won't make your injuries any better."

He only sighed and facepalmed.

Interesting story, right? Yeah I thought so, though I still don't know why he always bashes his head on random trees. I mean, poor trees! Alaska's a really weird guy, but he's pretty cool, so whatever. Ok I'm gonna go now and maybe next time we can hear this story from Alaska's view! That would be cool, huh?

Okay, bye bye~!


	3. Chapter 3

Hi Alaska here again.

It seems this is actually turning into something along the lines of a journal so might as well write in it again, oh and Colorado you if you don't want anybody to break in to your account you might want to change your password to something other than 'password'.

This was going to happen sooner or later. You should just be glad it was me who found out and not Texas.

…actually I would have loved to see what you would have done to him if he did break into your account…..

…..oh and if you want to try and break me with torture go ahead, I'll laugh when that back fires on you…

Anyway Colorado told how she met me from her point of view last time so I might as well tell the story how I saw it….

Like she said it wasn't really the most normal way for two states to meet each other, but well we're not the most normal people in the world….though we're not the strangest either.

But I'm getting ahead of myself let me start from the beginning…

America had called all the states to his house for a so called 'family reunion'. I had really no clue how it was going to go but I really didn't picture this.

In my mind's eye there where warm rays of sunshine that flooded over a field, and all the states where gathered around a giant picnic table smiling and laughing and having a joyous time.

These days I wonder what the crap was I smoking at the time for these insane delusions to come so easily to mind, but I know that all I was hoping for back then was a life where I could smile every day and I thought this family could give it to me….

If I knew then what I know now I would have made sure my expectations had never reached that high, but ails I don't own a time machine and even if I did that wouldn't be the first thing on my list to go back and change…

Anyway even if it wasn't visible on the outside I was really excited to meet my new family. But that quickly dissipated when I realized how much of a group of idiots these guys where…. And not to mention that damned Texas was there. That guy really irked me, and it didn't even seem he had learned his lesson from last time he was still trying to be buddy buddy with me.

Though I still can't decide if he was the one truly bugging me or if it was the stars I got from all the other states that was putting me on edge. Some were looking at me in awe others in fear, but it seemed none of them had the guts to approach me…well all except for Texas…that dumb shit.

Well let's just say I'm not a social butterfly so I decided I'd rather just lock myself in my room than have to deal with all these people.

Two days passed and I decided I was just going to go home, (I would have gone home earlier but America was making it nearly impossible for me to leave). Exiting my room I looked around to make sure no one was around to stop me, seeing that he coast was clear. I quickly made my way through the long hallway and to the stairs. Stopping at the top I saw that the path to the door wasn't clear of people the was a girl standing in my way, she had long light brown braids and I was startled to see that her eyes were two different colors her left one was red and her right was blue. Other than that the only notable thing about her I saw was that she looked about as happy to be there as I was.

Deciding that if she was going to stop me I'd just run her over I descended the stairs with that single thought in mind. The first look that crossed her face when she saw me was fear, and I couldn't blame her if I had seen an angry Alaska coming towards me I would have probably run. But then she did something I didn't expect, she sunk to her knees and started bawling. Having not ever been in a situation like this and feeling weirdly guilty, I put on my poker face and ignored her as best I could.

Skirting around her I headed to the kitchen thinking I could just use the back door, but I didn't really get the chance I suddenly heard a loud voice coming from my elbow trying to start a conversation with me….

"Hi! I'm Colorado; I don't think I've seen you before! Do you like to ski?" Oh god please just shut up I thought.

"Is it cold at your house? Are you maybe Alaska, because I've heard a lot about you but I haven't actually seen you before since you're a new state and everything but-," How does she go so long without breathing? I wondered

"I heard you're a really scary guy and everyone's really too scared to talk to you especially after you totally killed Texas by the way I totally like that about you because I hate him too and if you ever noticed his body lying around that's because I've killed him four times in the past three days it was really fun because I killed him a different way each time but it's too bad he just doesn't stay dead since he's a state and we should totally go skydiving or skiing or something sometime because I heard that it's really cold up at your house since you're by Canada and Russia and-," that was it I snapped. My body moved before my head even realized what was happening.

I whipped out my crowbar from out of nowhere and aimed it at her head. (Now I would like to remind you that I really don't like violence, but her voice was really starting to get to me and mentioning Russia was the last straw.) When suddenly she had two ski poles in her hands and blocked my crowbar a few inches away from her face. A little bit of shock escaped from my mask but I quickly covered that up, but it was too late she suddenly shoved me backwards.

"Well if you wanted to fight I would've happily agreed right from the get-go!" she exclaimed cheerfully. I couldn't care less about how this fight ended up, right at that moment I really just wanted to smash her face in with my crowbar. But what she said next really got to me.

"I thought this was going to be fun," Colorado said in a whiny voice. "Man, you're so predictable…"

That pissed me off, letting out a growl I swung at her legs. Obviously she had predicted this because in one fluid move she jumped over me and brought both her ski poles up to crush my neck. Too bad for her my scarf wasn't just there to ward off the cold. Most of the impact got absorbed in to the fabric and what did get through felt like barley a tickle to me.

Sadly for her she had also left herself wide open to me. I grabbed her ski poles and effortlessly flung her out the side door and into the yard. Now she was facing me and- I couldn't help letting a smirk escape my lips-, we were outside. Now I could use my full strength and not have to worry about breaking America's house.

"Don't think you've won yet," she said in a venomous voice. "This ain't over until the fat lady sings or America shows up and shoots us both."

"I guess you'd better start singing then," I replied in a mocking tone. I couldn't help myself I was actually starting to have fun.

"Oh, I thought you wanted to do the honors?" she responded in an innocent voice before landing a kick square on my chest, I was sent flying back a few feet and unfortunately she got those damn ski poles back.

It seemed she thought I'd just charge at her like a bull charging at a matador or something. So when she started running towards me like she wanted to take me out in one blow I did the simplest thing and stepped out of her way letting her run right into the pole that was conveniently behind me.

And she ran right in to it, I couldn't believe she had fallen for that it was just too much fail in such a short period of time. I was so overwhelmed by her stupidity I felt if I was in her presence any longer my head would explode, do I did the logical thing and started banging my head into the nearest tree.

Ok I'll admit at the time it wasn't the best idea, and I soon found that out when I suddenly had a ski pole chucked at my head. It hit pretty hard and I couldn't help but hold my head in pain. I suddenly heard someone running toward me and I knew she was coming to retrieve her ski pole. Turning around quickly I lashed out my fist caching her squarely in the face, I heard a satisfying crunch and knew I had broken her nose.

I noticed her looking to the side smirking and realized we had quite a big audience. Most of them were trying to stay out of our way, but some cheering for one of us or the other, and some were even placing bets on who would win.

Colorado seemed like she wanted to entertain them so I decided to play along, and charged her looking furious. She did a few cartwheels to get away from me and landed gracefully on top the picnic table. I was barley a millisecond behind her, and ended up smashing my crowbar into that poor picnic table. Using that momentum to her advantage she jumped on to my shoulder and pushed herself a few yards away.

She didn't land perfectly though, she ended up stumbling and landed on her feet and one hand. I used that moment -after she landed but before I crashed in to the table- to fling myself around and through my crowbar successfully taking out her feet and probably breaking her ankles.

"…'Merrica's comin'…" Colorado mumbled, and I could hear the faint sound of his obnoxious laugh getting closer by the second.

"Damnit…" I mumbled, half-buried under the pieces of the table.

"Whoa! What happened?" America demanded upon seeing the shape we were in.

"Who knows… but I'm quite disturbed by this side of Colorado…I'm not so sure she'd make a good wife anymore…." judging by the wife comment I assumed the speaker was Utah.

"…So if neither of them win, does that mean I take all?" and that must have been Nevada the gambling addict, then I could hear Texas yelling something about not giving up his money. The last thing I heard was Nevada threatening to nuke Texas if he didn't give up the money, then I passed out.

I woke up to the smell of hamburger and a cheerful voice yelling, "Hi squirrel! You're really cute and fluffy, did you know? No, I bet you didn't, because I don't think they have mirrors in the squirrel world. What's it like, living in a tree? Is it interesting? I live in a log cabin, I guess that kind of counts as a tree… ohmygod wait I'm living in squirrel houses that were cut down! What happened to the squirrels that lived in them? Oh my god I'm a murderer!" then I saw Colorado sink to her knees and start crying, all the while suffocating a poor squirrel.

I slowly got up and realized there was a hamburger on my head; I really didn't understand its purpose at that moment so I just placed it on the ground. I walked up behind Colorado but couldn't bring myself to speak with her, so I just stood there staring like WTF?

She turned around suddenly stopped crying and started smiling and waving her hands around happily. I don't know if she even realized she was still holding that poor squirrel.

"Hi Alaska! I see you finally woke up." She started yelling, "That fight was really really fun right? We should totally do it again! But if America catches us again he'll probably kill us, and I don't really wanna die yet. So hey do you wanna go skiing? I know I asked yesterday or a few hours ago or whenever it was that we started fighting then both passed out but wait did we pass out because America showed up or were we gonna pass out anyway because I'm not entirely sure oh and I think maybe you should have your injuring checked out by a doctor because I didn't hit you very lightly and now I'm sort of hungry maybe we could go get food I heard that-,"

While she was blabbing I had migrated over to the nearest tree and started to bang my head against it. Maybe I could just nock myself out again so I wouldn't have to listen to her stupidity.

It seemed she had noticed me trying to beat myself unconscious because she said, "That won't make your injuries any better."

I'll I could do was sigh and face palm.

I didn't know then that after this instant I would be stuck with being her friend.

So that is how I met Colorado, and how I got stuck with her. After that I met Minnesota and became good friends with him….hmm actually Colorado introduced us. Well anyway one you get used to her Colorado is actually pretty easy to get along with. Though she can be annoying…wait how do I even get along with her? Oh well that's one of the mysteries of this world it seems. Hmmm, maybe next time you can meet the rest of the four corners….they're all really odd…

Well then….see you.


End file.
